What Could Be

So im reading Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist" every night for the past 2 weeks now. At around 2am i'll lumber myself up the stairs, into that bed and turn on the reading lamp on the window sill. The yellowy glow across the room and the bookcase is pretty soothing and sets the mood for quiet and peaceful reading. So I began reading and was surprised - it's not really a tale set to woo you with its descriptive depth with plenty of adjectives describing everything in the environment, instead its more a book that tries to do that for the human soul: the descriptiveness comes from talking about the internal struggle of fulfilling dreams and our journeys through life that may or may not let us fulfil those dreams.

One of things about the book I don't really connect with is the whole idea of "follow your heart and you will get the answers". No doubt that's true to some extent, but I think it kind of forgets everyone else in the world and their actions which may have some effect on you. However, Coelho tries to answer that with the use of "The Desert". I think the desert while is supposed to show the power of nature, its there to show the reality of the world - People are fighting in a war and being naive enough to just follow your heart will get you killed. It's the balance of understanding people and your own heart. I think the book really describes the dichotomy between the heart and minds of people and what makes us so different to other species on this planet. Our rationality dictates we can only proceed in certain ways whereas our heart wants and desires that which may seem improbable or impossible to achieve. You know, I kinda like that idea that it explores, because we as humans try hard to seperate the two and try to find ourselves more rational answers to our lives and then explode out with our hearts without really merging the two too much. I guess that's what passion and professional behaviour is; its interesting nonetheless. 

One of the ideas that i really like is the concept of following the "omens". I believe in the world there are signs that if we look at can lead or direct us. It's all based on perception and some individuals may say that one interpreted thing may be absurd but for some it could be a sign to move in a certain way or do a certain thing. Afterall "everything happens for a reason" and i believe those signs really explain the reason behind why certain things work they do, why lives are lived in certain ways because of certain events. To the more rational part of the human that seems implausible because its not a tangible thing, but sometimes we have to trust that which is beyond our senses.

Anyways, from being rather sceptical about the book, im starting to love it now and see why its very popular. I don't believe following your heart will necessarily show your destiny but i think it'll move you and challenge you in ways you wouldn't think were possible of yourself and i think that alone is worth the trip. The book is really a tale of finding your own personal destiny and finding what is worth it for yourself. In some ways its what Aristotle said about "the golden mean" and having an ultimate purpose in life. I think people's aspirations change throughout their lives, but i think alot of the time thats because they never take the chances that maybe available to them and begin to really doubt they can really achieve their end goals. I do highlight "maybe" because sometimes we don't get those chances. To find ourselves though, that involves taking part in the world and not musing constantly - you need to put practice to the theory before you can drive :P.

If anything, i definitely recommend the book; a bit hard to adjust to if you enjoy more complexy in the writing style and slightly idealistic but enjoyable and engaging nonetheless. Its really like a theological interpretation of Aristotle's Golden Mean to be simple but with more of a religious element to it.

Good book read it :).

Gardenia

Man what a class track. Kyuss was my turning point in finding my own musical tastes. I remember just following whatever was being played on the radio or on my pc, but when i got into kyuss i started branching off into my own tangents and for that kyuss will always be one of my favourite bands - their impact on my taste on music and even my guitar playing is something i feel today :). I remember the first song i heard was Hurricane and i was thinking "DAMN who the hell is this?! this is some seriously class stuff!" so I found And the circus leaves town and just creamed that album completely. Phototrophic's psychedelica with that stellar solo in Spaceship Landing was enough to convince me to start finding my own niche sort of sound. When i say that i don't mean in the "yeah man im different to you lot" more finding a sound that hit the spot :P. Which is what stoner rock does for me :). From Kyuss i've gotten into Colour Haze, Los Natas, Motorpsycho and other bands. From Kyuss I even went onto just explore random different genres.

Anyways, Kyuss are one mofo band :).

PEACE!

Go To Sleep

Let's put it pretty straightfowardly: I AM MONGED.

Seriously I don't know what to write but I think or more accurately I feel I should write something. There's some things that shouldn't put down though because perhaps sometimes it's quite dangerous to open the casket full of those squeaky webs (not the pure deep stuff, the more periphery things occupying the mind), I don't think im the type to say those things out aloud. I don't like talking about myself in the first place so I don't see the need to talk about myself more. I prefer to hear other people talk and just listen. But let's give it a whirl.

Recently I just really hate socialising in larger groups. The more I see it, the more I feel claustrophobic in some social settings. I'll see all these people talking about all these interesting things and yet I'll just be totally not bothered LOL. In some ways I believe I am socially inept. Even when I do say things I feel I am always patronising even though it's not my intention to be so. It's kind of frustrating but meh when I have music to trip me out it's not so bad. When I get into that completely quiet mood I'll start becoming very angry and aggressive; I won't explode (although sometimes I feel I will) I'll just feel bitter about things; feeling inept, remembering things in the past and trying to make connections to understand why I think I feel inept and then getting angry because im lazy enough to assume that those events have controlled my life in a way instead of doing something about it, just like some of those people who claim depression but aren't really and truly that level of clinical depression. It's one of those reasons behind why I just move away from London; a clean slate, a tabula rasa of sorts.

WOW I am completely paranoid about this aren't I?

OOO speaking of tabula rasas, I was thinking about how John Locke claimed that we are born with a blank slate and just thought maybe that's not true. I think children are born pre-disposed with certain personality types that learn and perceive things in different ways (just as adults do but it's distinct in childhood as well). Locke claims everything we learn through experience and sensory and thats how we develop personalities, but I think children are alot more independent than that - they have more innate perception skills than Locke's assumes. It's how parents say that their baby is "well behaved" or "naughty". Some might argue that even that can be experience based and that babies already experience these things but if genetics can determine predisposition to certain ailments its just as likely and possible that some personality traits are also passed on or adapted onto offspring. Anyways it's all about tabula rasa and innate abilities mixed together - experience and inheritance go hand in hand - they aren't seperate.

Peace.

Humanoid Erotica

Sometimes some songs can transport you into another world. That world can be anything from nostalgic thoughts of old to just pure random tangent and spiralling imagination. One artist who does that is Fat Jon. This guy can make some really simple but really profound beats - the kind the make you feel all light minded and relaxed. Everytime i listen to some of my favourite Fat Jon songs, I always feel like im staring into a really blue sky filled with the painted whites of clouds, with my back on the grass looking up towards the portrait. You know, whenever you ever get the time to just sit in a park on a sunny spring or summer's day and just look up and feel transported in those clouds that skim on by, not so seperate from them but more a part of them. It's almost like being molded into the background portrait of nature's machinations. Anyways im drifting while writing this, because i feel so spaced out from it. I don't think anyone I know would get what i mean when listening to it, which i suppose makes it more fun in a way - a personal space without interruptions. Hell i wouldn't be surprised if they thought "what, how'd you get there?" just as i would in their own spaces. See, people have their own spaces - some like alot of space, some like little space, some like both at the same time in a most paradoxical way. It really depends on how intimate you're willing to be. Im your in betweener lol. I've never been good at deciding and that's reflected in how I like my personal space - I can never decide between wanting it and not wanting it. Just like everyone, we're always looking for that connection even though we're so used to our own physical and mental space. However, the more I look at it and ponder, the more I look at that black coloured rainbow as i like to call it, the more i think about the frustrations of my own self and inferiority. The more I see people the more inferior i feel. I always want everyone to be equal but i can't even feel equal to anyone else. I love that irony. 

Anyhoo.

Like Leaves In The Wind

Oh yeah, well vexed about SirensSounds being taken down. That was the best post/math rock site on the net. 

Reducing Agent

Man, i remember when i actually enjoyed chemistry. Those were good days, however sad that might sound. I think what i like about chemistry the most is the abstract ideas and theories that people use and come up with using purely mathematical idioms. It's strange, you can be so creative in thinking how things react and bond together or how energy is released or absorbed or what kind of products you get, yet be practical and logical at the same time. In that sense i prefer it to other sciences because of the balance between those two aspects, because it allows you to play around with ideas to see if you can get it right. Besides you get alot of colour in chemistry - one of the best chemical reactions is the flame test (combustion) of Barium metal. That foresty green colour is very beautiful and more fascinating when you hear the theory of how the metal's electons in their electron shells are energised and therefore ascend to a higher electron shell, but are unstable at that higher energy level so they release photons as they descend - i.e. light. The amount of energy released is at certain lightwave lengths and so we can see it as colour (if its within the visible region). The same goes for transition metal complexes, where the splitting of d-orbitals (caused by bonding to ligands i.e. molecules that donate electrons to a central metal atom/ion) causing light to be absorbed by electrons in the lower d-orbital from the split to ascend to the higher level. The light that isn't absorbed is the colour that is seen - i.e. the complementary colour of the lightwave length absorbed is the one seen, so for example if yellow is absorbed the solution will be seen as blue as blue is complementary to yellow.

Chemistry is fascinating like that, as well as the idea of ratios and give and take - which i think should be applied to life too. I believe in balance and I also believe in god giving us signs (similar to how karma works) and us trying to react to those signs (which is kind of why i had the title as Reducing Agent). Recently alot of people have been saying certain actions are a waste of time, which the more and more i think about it the more and more it seems true. To be honest i don't like sitting in cestpools of my own self pity anymore - it drives me nuts and goes against my own principles. So no matter how bad i may feel about it i'll just let it go because at the end of the day, its not worth bringing myself down. There's alot more to do and say man, alot more shizzle. Granted i might feel bad about it but i think im starting to learn how to control myself more. So whatever happens, happens (as Spike says in Cowboy Bepop). So is this a positive post? maybe, im neurotic enough to obsess about things but i think im also calm enough to use rationale. Odd eh?

Ramshackle

..........

I need to prioritise things in my mind and get things sorted out. I'm wasting too much time now. Enough emo shit.