The Creator Has A Master Plan

Moo. That's the word right now. As well as Mum. I never knew how boring sitting on the net can be. Now the animés are really kicking in for enjoyment, although i have to say im glad i got the pharoah sanders ticket sorted out. Well chuffed seeing ze legend in action. Also im absolutely loving Monster, i cannot iterate enough, that animé has the most complex character development i've ever seen in an animé. It's incredible how everything intertwines in random bits linking together. An existential journey to how we live - some in despair seeking death and looking at the world in futility - real nihilists and others looking at the world for connections you can make to the soul. These characters have their backgrounds to how it all works. It's not just a journey for Tenma the main character searching for the demon outside him, it's also in him and how he tries to cope with the Monster that resides. It's seriously awesome - i cannot believe the complexity of the storyline, it's very well written. I have to admit, some bits are slightly tacked on, but you're gonna find that nearly anywhere with a complex story with exceedingly complex characters. You can even see the emotions on people's faces done well, even though the animation is dated. For me the biggest highlight is, without a shadow of a doubt, the character development. I've spoken enough about that, but i cannot praise it enough. Even the political veins through the story let their blood flow through to the heart of the story and the complex characters. I wish i watched it in full rather than randomly piecing it, because watching it randomly has made the story seem longer than it really is and perhaps made the thing a bit weird with the tacked on bits. So yes, Monster = very awesome.

The most interesting thing happened yesterday though - talking online with the T-1000 Turok about the nature of the universe and the dimensional aspects to these universes. It was the most intense conversation i've had in a very long time philosophically. The last i remember something like that was back in BCB staying at Adz house. Ah that was a good time - staying up all night just talking about the directions in life and having an existential talk. What the conversation yesterday was about was mainly to do with how because the world never remains constant and everything is recycled - whether it be nutrients or history's lessons and traditions (btw wtf is postmodernism? is it just another culture? i mean everything we do is "modern" so if you go past postmodernism isn't that the future? or just something more modern? - i digress again) that it's an illusion - which is a fair enough judgement. But the real meat was how the prophet SAW travelled on the Buraj to the heavens, beyond where even Gabriel (could never spell the arab version) couldn't go. It was like going through as light. Afterall the prophet SAW is called the noor of the land. Furthermore, it says that those who enter heaven shall be given eyes to comprehend the light of heaven. Light itself is energy (photons, etc) but it got me thinking - there's only a small spectrum of light we can visibly see (hence visible spectrum) but there's so much more light we can't see - UV, Gamma, X-ray, etc. So would this light be of the same sort? i doubt it would even be one of the examples i gave - afterall it's in another dimension beyond this, where there could be different forms of light. Hell we don't even know what's going on in our dimensions. Afterall, as Hume suggested "Science is ultimately based on faith" because all of the causal links made are not easy to prove. He made a valid point - where humans make a causal link between one thing and another, when it's possible that they aren't linked. For example, if i throw a brick at a window and the window smashes - it's possible that the window might not smash and that automatically we assume brick - window - smashed.

But that aside - look at how science works. Take chemistry, almost ALL of chemistry is based on theories and mathematical assumptions which are based on other theories. For example, no-one really knows how catalysts work, or what exactly the atomic structure is or what's INSIDE an atom - there's electrons and protons and quarks and all that, but it's mostly theory. My point being that though there's empirical evidence to SUGGEST that these might be right - we'll never know for sure. Same with the THEORY of evolution - it's merely suggestions. So fair enough, science is the closest thing we are gonna get to some reasonable sense of the world, but our reason should also look at the fact at the MASSIVE gaping holes in our knowledge of the world and how possibly we should doubt even the science many of us depend on - afterall scientists try and doubt each other as much as they can - for ego's sake or to prove a theory false and come up with another one. Don't get me wrong - there are rules - like we cannot create or destroy energy, but these rules are few and far.

So back to the topic, the prophet SAW went through these dimensions as perhaps different forms of light (this is another theory mind you :D) and i think the connection for those forms is the soul. Maybe that's why scientists cannot figure out why our weight is more than all the calculations suggest - the soul is there, waiting to be released after death, to be transformed and taken into different places. Just like how light can be refracted or converted to different energy - e.g. light from a bulb as well as heat. Now you might think if God is made up of light, then could he be (yes here cometh the blasphemy) and i think the answer is simply no - it goes back to the rule "energy cannot be made or destroyed" as well as if god was omniscient and omnipowerful and all the other omnis (apart from omnious and related ones) then it would surely make no sense to be able to be refracted in the same way - light in our dimension can be bent or reflected, but i don't think god's light is the same purely because it's the source. I think what the world and nature show us is the minute fraction of God's light being poured down in its visible form to humans - the genius of god's creation. I think i also have an answer for those who say how can god be cruel - everything is recycled in this world - our own bodies are recycled - so in reality we (physically) become part of god's creation on earth and these dimensions (if we pass beyond earth into the known universe). It also says in the scriptures that those who suffer in their souls in this world will be recompensated in the hereafter or in other words - another dimension. As for how can god exist without time if he "created" (created is past tense therefore how could he have creat-ed if he doesn't live in time or space) is purely for the fact that god is in another dimension or outside dimensions even - he is not limited. Perhaps infinity is another dimension - and that might seem paradoxical, afterall dimensions imply limits but inifite is not limited. That i suppose is the closest thing i could possibly call it. Some people might call that an unreasonable cop out, but i ask them to look into how empirically we could prove otherwise - and i highlight PROVE.

Furthermore, because we cannot in full prove much, this world hasn't got many truths to it (metaphysically i mean - not colloquially or mundanely in human livelihood) therefore it perhaps is really illusionary. Personally im of the grey part where belief is sometimes all we got to rely on.

Oh yeah, i'm loving Green Milk's stuff, incredibly progressive but refreshing with a taste of Kraut rock in it. It's like a mix of colour haze and mars volta but just longer - the songs don't seem to be that epic, they just seem like jamming moments all the time but with a purpose - a subtle but energetic one - due to the kraut influences. Oh yeah, looking at other posts, thought i might stick a picture up so i think i might use a classic BCB folk tale of art times one:





















Ah the beautiful picture that was plagarised for an art exam - lovely :).

speaking of nice pictures, was looking through the old hokusai pics and still love them.

peace out.

You Got To Have Freedom

Well, the exams are finally over. I feel alot less stressed now, but hey it's only a small portion of what's left. Let's see if the ending in June ends with a bang :D. Right now im bare tired, im playing guitar, listening to music and waiting for my downloads to finish including my surfings on the net. Dungen is pretty damn good, although the guy's voice sounds a bit mank at times - then again i do listen to The Mars Volta. This band's stuff reminds me of white stripes mixed with alot more expanding rhythms. I especially love Familj and Sa Blev Datat or whatever it's called. Got back into Monster recently - which is most interesting. It's odd how even though it's been god knows how many months it's just sunk back in. It's starting to get more interesting - there's so many damn characters and their development. I can say confidently it has one of the best storylines character development wise - each character is complex in their own right, from the minor characters to the major ones. In that sense, Monster is a masterpiece. To be honest though, the storyline is waving about alot of the place but i think for me that's coz of my broken viewing of the whole thing.

So what to do now? i got an interview coming up and i really gotta start preparing that one soon because it's in 2 weeks and i really want to smack this manchester one because manchester really is a second home to me. well i think that's all i really wanted to say today - not sure i'd i really wanted to say much, just felt more obligated to write something down because my exams have finished. It's fun doing this no doubt, but it does feel a little tacked on at times.

Oh yeah i've not done anything for Satori, which is something i need to look into - i might start getting him back on track, afterall i only wrote a short bit. But before i write anything i want to plan this thing out - if it's gonna be a short one or a long one. One of my friend's blogs (Adnaan's for that matter) has this wicked short story and it got me thinking about writing one. Not sure if i want to put Satori in one, although i could have it as a chronicle for the big thing. That'd be interesting - kind of like Zelda in it's various forms.

Anyhoo im out. peace.

6244 - Chemistry Bafflement.

Yikes! it's the day before the exam and im feeling a little unconfident. Considering Biology's weird exam and what other people have told me about the other chemistry exams, im feeling slightly wary edexcel is going to give us a bang before the penultimate bang in June for this syllabus - something weird. Just for revision's sake:

Amides:

Formed by:

Acyl Chlorides + Ammonia >>>> Primary Amide + HCl

Acyl Chloride + Amine >>>> N-methyl Amide + HCl

Carboxylic Acid + Ammonium Carbonate >>>> Ammonium Ethanoate (which disassociates upon heating - dehydration into an Amide)

Reactions:

HYDROLYSIS:
Amide + H+ + Water >>>> Carboxylic Acid + Ammonium

Amide + OH- >>>> Amide salt (that can be hydrolysed by a strong solution of acid - similar to esters and Sodium -noates)

DEHYDRATION
Amide - H20 >>>> Nitrile (dehydration using P4O10)

HOFFMAN'S DEGRADATION
Amide + BR2 + NaOH >>>> Amine (with one less carbon)


Amines:

Formed by:

Reduction of Nitriles and Amides

Hoffman's degradation of Amides

Halogenoalkane + excess NH3 in ethanol


Reactions:

BASIC:
Amine + water >>>> Amine with a NH3+ charge + OH-

Amine + HCl >>>> Amine with NH3+ charge and Cl- ionically bonded to NH3+

Amine with NH3+ charge + OH- >>>> Amine + water (therefore first reaction is reversible).

ACYL CHLORIDE REACTION:

Amine + Acyl Chloride >>>> N-Methyl Substituted Amide

Moo.

Whilst guzzling on this most sumptous of pizza meals i find myself more relaxed. jolly good off to watch monster.

peace.
Amino Acids:

Solids at RTP due to strong ionic attractions that form between -VE COO- end in one Zwitterion and +VE NH3+ end in another Zwitterion.

Zwitterions either gain a H+ on the COO- end or lose a H+ on the NH3+ end depending on whether H+ ions are added or OH- ions are added (respectively)

From The Planet Orange

So i was just wondering how on earth this chemistry exam is going to pan out. I mean for crying out loud, these organic equations seem to dissipate into thin air. It's almost like a pouring water through a glass with a hole at the bottom. Keep trying though, after all what's the point of giving up, anything could really spruce the whole thing up from one grade to another. Speaking of that, why am i writing now? craziness indeed. Im a lazy turd. Anyway academica is depressing, especially in Brampton lol.

Recently i feel more socialist. It all started on Christmas Eve, on Queensway, of all places. We were sitting outside a restaurant who's name surpasses me and we were talking to the locals. One Yugoslavian guy though was what was really interesting. He started telling us about his time in the Red Cross; how he got shot in the leg, saw injustice in lebanon and more. He told us about the socialist rule and how yugoslavia was at the centre of WW2. But when he started talking about how socialism is coming up i got really interested, because currently democracy is not enough - in this society democracy simply doesn't work because only a few people can really ever be chosen. For example in the UK the government race is really between Labour and the Tories, which is quite frustrating because not many other voices get to be heard through the corporate bantering. Also elections can be easily rigged; take the scandal surrounding Bush Jr's first election and the rigged elections in Florida and the denial of Black American votes. Some of the ideas behind socialism are really intersting though, like the equality of everyone - regardless of race - quite the opposite of a capitalist regime. However, my main gripe with socialism is that it can be quite idealistic and the implemented forms especially Communism are brutal at times. But the ideas behind the equality and the justice systems are quite good.

It made me realise that Islam is quite socialist. It had democracy with a Marxist twist to it. The Khalifa state is practically parliamentary, but the Khalifas themselves were involved in every day life and did not wish to be paid substantial amounts. Fair enough this was on a small scale, but it got me thinking what it would be like on a larger scale like a whole country and then i realised it'd be like a socialist regime - Khalifas in districts and towns involved in the affairs of the proletariat. Personally i think that's the best way - right now democracy is too cold and formal for the proletariat to be really taken into consideration. Policies are made from 2 main groups, which doesn't give much scope for choice for a true democratic proposition. I'm not saying let's overthrow the British government because that's just simply wrong - it's not our country, but i feel the country would be a much better place if it were more localised. Maybe im being too idealistic and there are perhaps hurdles that are in the way, but when i see things like convicts being released and then attacking again, it makes you think about what this society defines as "justice" or "fair".

But that's just me, i just like equality without racial discrimination. We have too many subcategories as humans and race is one of them. I really dislike it when people from one race stick to their own cliques. Saying that though, i'm not propogating that we should not have groups where there are people of the same race and what not, it's just these groups should not be closed off. I remember in woodhouse, alot of the groups just seemed closed off for entering and it was really hard to enter as an individual. It's really funny to see how people just block out others from groups. It makes it harder to fit sometimes.

When that happens you start to become more withdrawn, and eventually more nihilistic so that the people who matter try and talk to you sort of phase out of your mind. That's not a good feeling at all and is a bad habit. Speaking of phasing out, not done that in a while lol, so that's good. However i do find it hard to connect to many people in college purely because alot of people talk on a superficial level. That's not saying they are or aren't superficial, it's just hard to see it. I've not really had a good conversation with someone from college in a long time - one beyond the trivialiaties. I think i might just start instigating it, but i always never know what to say - probably because i think about it too much - much like im doing now.

As for recent events, well i've been worried about some stuff recently, nearly on the verge of tears (and i've not cried in 3 years - this was the closest to getting me there). What that made me realise was the scary effects of holding onto your ego like a protective blanket to cover your insecurities. Insecurities about the lack of control over yourself and needing to get some control so looking for any scrap of ego boosting to get that sense of accomplishment and betterment. What it does do to you is isolate you because you want to feel superior to other people. I've always wanted to be equal but this ego thing makes you want to be superior in order to control and lead your own life. I realise that's not what you need - how can we be superior? we are merely specks of dust in the oceanic spanse of the universes. Even in our own world what is superiority going to give you? respect? not if you crave superiority like you crave food if you are famished - who is going to respect a insecure and perhaps even depraved person if they desire obsessive for superiority? That train of thought is an abyss of negativity which is not even worth worrying or complaining about. I just want to be myself, without trying to forcibly prove something to someone - without trying to seek control when it's there. I will try and abandon arrogance because it's deviated me from the path i set out those years ago. I remember when i wanted that humbleness and it just went awry because of this crazy need to have some adolescent sense of control. It's time to let it go and get control.

Although this quote doesn't really have much to do with what i've spoken about, i just wanted to end with quote from the prophet SAW because it's been on my mind for a while:

"I can understand why we fornicate, i can understand why we steal but i cannot understand why we lie".

Before i go, im not saying i don't lie - that would be lying :P. it's just an inspirational quote to reduce lying if anything.

peace out.

Singing Winds, Crying Beasts

As the letters slowly stroll out of my head, like a lumbered Atlas trying to paint, i sit and consider some things. The first being the book on my lap, looking up at me aimlessly, desiring attention and notice. The second being the whirlwind of Joy from hearing Shakti's live sessions. The violin cascades frantically like gusts of wind dancing in the night, its partner the yellow and unforgiving sand in the deserts. The drums provide the inevitable thunder that is brought to our attention from the ever sharp wind. Vibrations from the guitar pull the sand up into a storm of sound. It's the epic and grand indian style that's intriguing, that's drawing me into the epicentre of it all....a moment of full concentration where you get lost. However sometimes i just phase out into a blank space, a trance the music gets me into - it takes me beyond music and into an empty space. It's not a hollow sense, it's more like just being empty for a while, escaping the hustle bustle around you. It's a form of meditation - but not as potent as something along the lines of Buddhist chanting.

Im enjoying it alot to be honest, i neglected it for a while but really Shakti is one truly magnificent band. I think they are more humble than many of the acts out there, as they have no major popular consensus or hype and so it's really in a niche.

These days it's been alot colder; you can really feel the winter pounding away the leaves from autumn with its cold touch. Usually i'd be crying about the cold, but this year around it's not that bad - maybe i've grown accoustomed to London oddities or im just learning to try and deal with the cold in a more....controlled manner. Sort of like holding onto a balloon without popping it. I think the best day of these cold days was last thursday. It rained like the heavens were crying out and my god it was incredible. I know there's places where heavy rain is almost daily, but that kind of rain was quite nice to have. One thing i love about that rain is the sense of cleansing, physically and metaphorically. People run when there's rain but i just like to sit and enjoy it, being out in the rain is a nice feeling, although it can give you sniffly noses lol. I hope there's more rainy days like that, so i can just place myself in the rain and enjoy it. It's really odd to see people run from rain like it's a shower (no pun intended) of bullets raining (lol again) on you in a war zone.

The idea of the rain just brought me around to another thought; what i really want to do with myself. You know, im still tired of my environment around me and i really need a break out of here. The more i think about it, the more im thinking i should really just pack my bags after these exams and just go abroad for gods knows how long - just do it anonymously and discretely. It'd be the most interesting experience i'd ever undergo - i'd be in an alien environment, completely away from people i know of. Currently i'd welcome that, i really want to just do something completely random and crazy as that to just experience the world from another cultures perspective and be this new person, learn a new language, take on a new identity. Maybe having novel characters to write about is the closest thing to that, but i feel like doing it too. I complain of things not being potent, but that's only because i hinge everything on them or i just don't act upon the words. I thought words were hollow, but you know what, they really aren't. Words can lead to so many places as long as you use them appropiately. They are the empty vassal that you can receive or deliver, that needs to be filled with inspiration or actions or something proving they weren't transparent - having something full.

Just stop complaining. Don't be so hollow to claim that's beyond your control when it's not. These days the idea of a locked fate seems to be fading away into the strange abyss it came from. Right now i feel like i've had a delayed rebellious streak leaking out. What really fucks me over is in that insecurity of inferiority. Im not complaining, just labelling it out more concretely for myself. It's all like a blurred out opaque stained glass window where the inside looks completely different to what you think it looks like.

What about art? well that shakti stuff just spells out culture, one more indulged in spiritual ascension - the crescendoes of instrumental bliss feel like they are raising you upwards into a journey filled with various colours from different backgrounds - black, white, green, red - just vibrant and darker colours intricately blending into a pot of life.

so i'll say peace out folks. sayonara - hehehehe i guess that's where i might head to.

Chapter One: Freedom? - Sketches.

Light. In a world of shadow, the enigma of purity has always come to the rescue....but what if that world is deprived from light? oppression from the light by forces that be. Satori's tale is an enigma to that world. The individual who found the light and followed it.

A man walks through the path, the mandarin coloured leaves scattered along the road in the haze of Fall. The sun sings farewell on his delicate sketchpad of vibrant gold and magenta. The man looks curiously at the sky, pondering of the events that had just occured. He looks down, onto his chest and sees the wound, a fresh batch of the congealed rouge staining him. He realises. He looks at the sky for freedom. Looking at it as a long lost friend; a friend whom he had depended on whenever his actions and thoughts strayed. It had been his source of energy, his goal, his desire, passion, ambition and now the sun had granted his sketches to be painted across the sky now just as he was fading away, after being long trapped in the darkness he had loathed.

He smiled jubilantly, as his knees slowly collapsed into the myraid of leaves. Those leaves wiped his tears, his anguish and blood into the soil. They purified him, removing his pain and it was this that he no longer wished to fight for life. He closed his eyes as he felt life draining from him, but ever conscious of himself.....

Coffee and TV

The Boondocks. It's classic television, no question about it. A satirical take on American and Afro-american culture. I can't say there hasn't been an episode that's just made me burst out laughing - from the activist child's renegade political ideas, to the ghetto kid who's more ghetto than the "pimps" and gangsters. Definitely worth watching! Having a school play produced by Quincy Jones, has Denzel Washington and Will Smith and tells the story of Black Jesus in a predominantly caucasian school is bound for laughs.

Anyways, i thought i'd update this place with something. You know, everytime i come here my mind is baffled on what to write. Before i was brimming with ideas, now it's sort of becoming a chore to actually sit down and write something. It's coming from the top of my head at the moment. Personally i don't want to sit and talk about this or that personal issue, because it doesn't do anything - this sort of expression doesn't work completely. Maybe it's because there are people scrutinising it i don't know but either way, im not entirely sure what to talk about these days. I do want to talk about a picture or a book, but i've not actually got any materials right now. Maybe music? who knows. Well talking about music, I've been feeling various vibes these days, going from full out Hendrix Black Gold, to Cymande to Yoko Kanno and now im between José Gonzalez and the elevator music (i.e. Katrah Queyous, Nujabes, Fat Jon). Speaking of José Gonzalez, out of everything i've listened to, i find his stuff the most accessible to play with. I've not got any real idea if it goes, but that doesn't matter because i do actually go into some sort of trance when i do play. I can see why people find it soothing, but sustaining it is quite difficult so im working on doing just that. I did however see a change; a more positive one to say the least, especially with my rhythm playing. The more i play, the better it's getting, which im loving. My scaling technique is getting better, but definitely needs improvement...but im quite shocked at my drastic improvement in rhythmic strumming. These days im trying to mix chords, finger picking and riffage together....I don't know what kind of sound it is, but i'd describe it as a mix between the desert sound of Kyuss, José Gonzalez's chord sound, some small amount of Mclaughlin/Rodriguez, maybe a bit of Santana and some Hendrix. However it's no where near a real sound loool, but that's my interpretation of it when im playing.

So moving on from music, what about life in general? considering im running out of topics here lol. It's.....altering quite alot quite suddenly. These days im between worrying about universities, thinking about some people and where my mind is internally. It's quite a mixed bag and i wouldn't deny i get quite depressed these days, but you know what i think i need to tackle them one by one. Firstly let's get the universities out of the way. Then i think i'll work on the status with people, after that i'll fix out my mind a bit. These days it's quite haywire, sometimes i'm even losing coherency when i talk. A coupla days ago i was rambling on about some crap that i can't even remember. It's all a little hazy lol. Oh yeah not to mention the suicidal thoughts in between LOL. NOW that's depressing. Looking outside of my window, i got kind of worried you know, i was actually thinking about just standing on the edge of the roof....prepping myself for the plunge. Im surprised i've gotten this far, which definitely means it's serious. Trouble is, i think it's my own perception of the world rather than the world itself being cruel to me. My situation is not even that bad, but i don't think im adequately equipped yet to properly deal with it. Trouble is trying to find it through some perserverence and will power. Tough cookie indeedo. In fact i think i've been fascinated for a year now at least, but the stark and recent increase is slightly worrisome. Only slightly. Hey man it don't matter though, as i make sure i can be chillin' bob dylan then it's all good. Anyways, Free Palestine, Free Iraq.

Peace out folks.