Right now....okami.....is so beautiful. in every brush stroke you can see the loving detail given to the child that's born. It's really something else....how can i describe it.....hmm okay well take John Coltrane's My Favourite Things and then imagine yourself as the wind thats flowing behind Shiranui/Ammy. you feel like you're flying behind her with the flowers growing behind you....it's like a revelation in itself to feel that alive. I maybe starting to get obsessive about the game, but the more i look at it the more wild it looks. Im surprised at the detail given into it. Whoever decided to come up with the japanese water colour effect is a genius and the celestrial brush....man crazy times. You can paint what you want how you want. We were drawing the ascension towards heaven...with faces in between. I know many people love the rice paper effect but those colours are still so trippy. I dunno, maybe im just really hyping the look up alot but i just fell in love with its grace and style. Im 6 hours in and i still haven't done much in the game - its fun just running around looking at it in 480p without looking like a scratchy Wii game with lots of jags. Watercolours....i miss them you know. Back in the day i used to watercolour on many paintings....i loved the way everything flowed into each other - like how the sky went with the flow...it was symbolic of just releasing yourself and going with the rhythm nature intended....the same rhythm that governs how the rain falls onto the ground - it's mind bending how infused humans are to all of that part of nature and yet we still try and fall away from it trying to use "logic" "reason" to seperate ourselves from nature - in reality we're just proving the strengh of nature because we're demonstrating the power of it to eventually lead us back to being a part of it....much like how Bruce Lee stated it: "Be like water"....thats what we are in reality - a part of the nature thats blossomed on this green earth - the only planet that seemingly has life in the solar system....is it really hard to believe its a miracle that we're here gracing this earth? for the cold scientists it is, the ones trying to run from nature but inevitably have to accept it beyond the box of logic they've created. Maybe the logic is a demon there to stop us from flowing? or maybe we have to use the logic and the flow of nature....thats how we become human. How do we go into the flow of nature? maybe by surpassing our fears and doubts. By leaving our sense of doubt in ourselves alone....to enter a realm of freedom - thats not pure since we can't have pure freedom due to our physical limitations but the sense of loosening our valves so that we can let the flow of the river come through into the bath tub of consciousness.
I dunno though.....i tried really hard but it fell on deaf ears....or maybe it felt like it had to be said because it'd be rude not to say it....i dunno. I can't be sad....i had my time but i choose to keep it friendly, for the better or for the worse? who knows man, who knows man. It just echoes of the past - the peaks and troughs get further from each other as it echoes. Naw it's good - i let something else grow instead....but was it my place to let it grow? Maybe i stuck my head into the sand deeper than i should have, but should i be worrying about that should? i feel like i should or "need" to find something substantial but in reality im just not fussed to accomodate the needs and wants of another person all the time....and thats the crowd i tend to address most of the time. Im no hero lol, but i feel kind of....blue. Maybe i don't have what it takes at the moment....sidelined in the luggage going to heathrow - cast as the bait for lots of different piranhas to eat and use my body as the nutrients to supplement themselves and then chew me out like a piece of grass.....i dunno im just tired of skirting around for people alot. Nothing is black and white though....balance and chi behind the different needs of myself and others. Maybe im ironically thinking of myself in this whole process and not anyone else. If i had an answer for it it'd be interesting....it's strange being away from my "normal" mental state and being able to address myself with a different mind state than normal....im more talkative right now but sad and happy for people and myself. It took me 2 years to fail and 2 weeks for someone to pass it....fucking hell. Well i got myself to think about.....i don't think right now i can accomodate many people in my frame of life at the moment....i need to chill out on that front...i don't get much back and im used as a doormat alot. Sigh man why can't i just leave it all behind for a bit you know....this meloncholy for a while....im high and attuned to everything...good, bad, happy and sad. Im tired of it....don't patronise me anymore.
Im not good enough for you lot anymore? sigh.....
when i can be "good enough"? why do i have to be good enough? am i not already? who are you to judge? maybe im just too different for you all.
I don't think you really care....you're just obliged to because i stuck through for a while. it's a shame. A damn shame.
