Let's put it pretty straightfowardly: I AM MONGED.
Seriously I don't know what to write but I think or more accurately I feel I should write something. There's some things that shouldn't put down though because perhaps sometimes it's quite dangerous to open the casket full of those squeaky webs (not the pure deep stuff, the more periphery things occupying the mind), I don't think im the type to say those things out aloud. I don't like talking about myself in the first place so I don't see the need to talk about myself more. I prefer to hear other people talk and just listen. But let's give it a whirl.
Recently I just really hate socialising in larger groups. The more I see it, the more I feel claustrophobic in some social settings. I'll see all these people talking about all these interesting things and yet I'll just be totally not bothered LOL. In some ways I believe I am socially inept. Even when I do say things I feel I am always patronising even though it's not my intention to be so. It's kind of frustrating but meh when I have music to trip me out it's not so bad. When I get into that completely quiet mood I'll start becoming very angry and aggressive; I won't explode (although sometimes I feel I will) I'll just feel bitter about things; feeling inept, remembering things in the past and trying to make connections to understand why I think I feel inept and then getting angry because im lazy enough to assume that those events have controlled my life in a way instead of doing something about it, just like some of those people who claim depression but aren't really and truly that level of clinical depression. It's one of those reasons behind why I just move away from London; a clean slate, a tabula rasa of sorts.
WOW I am completely paranoid about this aren't I?
OOO speaking of tabula rasas, I was thinking about how John Locke claimed that we are born with a blank slate and just thought maybe that's not true. I think children are born pre-disposed with certain personality types that learn and perceive things in different ways (just as adults do but it's distinct in childhood as well). Locke claims everything we learn through experience and sensory and thats how we develop personalities, but I think children are alot more independent than that - they have more innate perception skills than Locke's assumes. It's how parents say that their baby is "well behaved" or "naughty". Some might argue that even that can be experience based and that babies already experience these things but if genetics can determine predisposition to certain ailments its just as likely and possible that some personality traits are also passed on or adapted onto offspring. Anyways it's all about tabula rasa and innate abilities mixed together - experience and inheritance go hand in hand - they aren't seperate.
Peace.
