Well it's been some time since my last post, so thought the drawing board was a good place to come back to. When i look back on my last post, i feel kind of embarrassed; mainly because it just seems like a piece on drawing inspiration from yourself cum american cheesy movie. It's kinda odd sitting here, without a real conscious thought going on in my head - but im kind of used to it, everything seems kinda hazy these days. Conversation is the hardest part i suppose. I'm not a smart man, nor a wise man, but i do try my best when i can (excuse the rhyming). The thing with conversation is that, no matter what i'd try and say it never amounts to anything being interesting or steering the way. It's a uphill struggle, and more so with a pessimistic attitude. Random words float out of my mouth or hands and they just form a sentence if possible. It's like a stream of unconsciousness seeping out of my head. I just wish i had more control of my own mind, it feels like things just randomly come and go without any warning. Everyday just adds onto that sense of crazed nothingness. If a water lily can hold it's roots why can is my mind floating on an ocean of despair? It's fecked up if i should say so. Im probably over reacting, but it sure is frustrating to not be able to concentrate and think clearly....maybe i simply don't possess the ability to function normally. This all sounds so melodramatic. Every depressing comment i make here, another part of me, most likely a representation of the "outside" influences about me just make a critical remark and make it all seem so melodramatic. I don't think it can really be so melodramatic if it's affecting my normal functioning can it? It's all so hazy i can't tell the goddamn difference. My head feels like it's disappearing into a molten pot of complete waste. Arrrr! I am gonna try and be more optimistic, but these depressive bouts sure as hell don't add anything useful in helping me get out of this crazy situation.
Time will tell when it will do. Let's just see if my earthly creationism can reflect my agony.
No comments:
Post a Comment